“Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart.”
In light (or darkness?) of the total solar eclipse yesterday, I could not help but think of the connections between a solar eclipse and being in the midst of a divorce. In the cool shadow of a total solar eclipse, the world stands still. Darkness envelops what was once illuminated, mirroring the sudden, profound sense of loss many feel amidst divorce. It’s a moment that disrupts life’s regular cadence—an unexpected darkness that symbolizes the end of what was once a radiant relationship. This celestial phenomenon can teach us much about the cycles of our own lives, especially the transformative journey through divorce. But as the sun’s corona flares in the darkness, so too can hope flare in the midst of personal upheaval.
Every Now and then I Fall Apart
Divorce brings with it a triad of challenges. Externally, there are the logistical nightmares: the division of assets, custody arrangements, and the monumental task of separating intertwined lives. Internally, divorcees grapple with a maelstrom of emotions—grief, anger, confusion, and sometimes, a profound sense of failure. This whole process can feel fundamentally unjust. Why must one go through such pain? How can a relationship that once brought so much joy end in such turmoil? It’s a bitter pill to swallow, the feeling that this darkness is both undeserved and unending. Yet, in this moment of total eclipse, there is a path forward—a way to navigate through the darkness towards a new dawn.
I am Steven Unruh, a divorce mediator with over 30 years of experience helping individuals navigate the turbulent waters of separation. I’ve witnessed firsthand the transformative power of mediation. It’s not just about finding a resolution to the external problems but addressing the internal turmoil and challenging the philosophical injustices of the process. Mediation offers a beacon of hope, a way to cross the shadow and re-emerge into the light.
And I Need [#1-5] More Than Ever
As we journey through the emotional landscape of a divorce, it’s akin to moving through the darkness of an eclipse, searching for a glimpse of light. Let’s explore these steps together, navigating the path from acknowledgment and support through the practical and philosophical shifts, toward the hopeful horizon mediation offers.
1. Acknowledging Your Feelings
Divorce feels like being on a rollercoaster in the dark—up one moment, plummeting the next. It’s crucial to recognize these emotions as part of the journey. Just like in the song “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” you might feel turned around and lost. But acknowledging your feelings is the first step toward healing. It’s okay to grieve the loss of what was once a bright part of your life. By accepting your emotions as they come, you begin the process of moving through them, rather than getting stuck.
2. The Power of Support
When you’re going through a tough time, having people around who care can make a big difference. Whether it’s friends who make you laugh, family who hold you when you cry, or a therapist who listens, support is key. These people give you strength when you’re feeling vulnerable and perspective when you’re too close to the situation. Just like a safety net, they catch you when you fall, reminding you that you’re not alone on this ride.
3. Navigating Custody and Assets
Figuring out who gets what and how to co-parent can seem like a daunting task. Through mediation, though, you can find solutions that work for everyone, especially the kids. Mediation focuses on fairness and respect, allowing both parties to have a say in the outcome. This collaborative approach ensures that decisions are made with everyone’s best interests in mind, reducing conflict and setting a positive tone for the future.
4. Creating a New Normal
After divorce, it feels like life has been turned upside down. Establishing new routines and traditions is a way to start turning it right side up again. It’s about creating a new sense of normal for yourself and your family. This might mean new holiday traditions or simply a new daily routine. These changes help you reclaim your independence and start building a life that feels like yours again.
5. Finding Fairness in the Process
Divorce litigation often feels like a battle, but mediation offers a more peaceful path. It’s a process that values each person’s perspective, striving for outcomes that are fair and equitable. Mediation can challenge the notion that divorce has to be a win-lose scenario, promoting instead a win-win solution where both parties feel heard and respected.
The Journey of Self-Discovery (turn around, bright eyes)
Divorce isn’t just an ending; it’s also a beginning. It’s an opportunity for self-discovery, to learn more about who you are and what you want out of life. This journey can lead to personal growth and a clearer understanding of your own needs and desires. By embracing this process, you can emerge from the shadow of divorce with a stronger sense of self and a brighter outlook on the future.
It’s normal to have doubts about mediation. Will it really work for me? Can we find common ground? While mediation isn’t a cure-all, it offers a space for honest conversation and collaboration, which can be rare in the adversarial nature of divorce proceedings. It’s worth exploring, with the potential to make the divorce process less stressful and more equitable.
If you’re feeling lost in the shadow of divorce, mediation could be the light at the end of the tunnel. With over 30 years of experience, I, Steven Unruh, am here to guide you through. Together, we can turn this total eclipse into a new dawn, filled with hope and new possibilities. Divorce doesn’t have to be the end—it can be a transition to a new, brighter day. Reach out today, and let’s find the path forward together, turning a time of darkness into a future filled with light.
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