What is Spiritual Abuse?

Spiritual abuse can occur on a personal level or on a global level, such as within a particular religion, a local church, or even in a marriage.

Definition of Spiritual Abuse

Spiritual abuse occurs when someone uses religious beliefs for the purpose of coercion and exploitation. This exploitation always involves emotional control and often seeks to have financial control and manipulation of the other person. In many instances of spiritual abuse, it may involve physical and sexual exploitation as well.

The goal of spiritual abuse is to keep the other individual or an entire group in submission to the leaders’ whims and wishes. The abuser uses their position by quoting particular passages from their religious texts, often misconstruing them or taking them out of context to achieve their personal goals.

The Dangers of Spiritual Abuse in Religious Communities

A now-defunct cult-like church denomination serves as an example of spiritual abuse. Members of this church had to give a monthly account of their income to the church leaders, who would evaluate whether they were tithing and giving enough money. Donations were expected to be made regularly to the church itself and the larger denomination.

This church preached that they were the only true church, using fear as a way to keep people from wandering away from the congregation. They warned members that leaving for another church would result in being out of God’s will and spiritually lost, possibly even condemned by God.

Suppression of Individual Thought

Individuals within spiritually abusive environments are often discouraged from thinking for themselves, asking questions, or challenging the leadership. This can be mentally, psychologically, and spiritually dangerous. Without awareness, individuals can become victimized while feeling guilty for questioning what the leadership is telling them. This can lead to self-doubt and living a life as a victim, believing they lack the ability or power to create self-determination.

Spiritual Abuse in Marriage and Divorce

As a licensed psychotherapist, I have seen dozens of cases over the years where people are under the control of spiritual abuse, especially in cases of divorce.

Many religious groups condemn and chastise individuals who seek to get a divorce. I have had clients who have received threatening emails and phone calls from other parts of the world, as well as clients whose local priest or pastor, along with other church leaders, has come knocking on their door to intimidate and harass the individual seeking a divorce. Once they break free from the spell of spiritual abuse, they realize they have been living under a lie and finally find their voice.

The Lie of Spiritual Abuse

The lie perpetuated by spiritual abusers is that you cannot trust yourself or your own intelligence. You are supposed to ignore feelings of humiliation and confusion. However, confusion is a sign that something is very wrong.

Steps to Recovery from Spiritual Abuse

If you know someone or are personally experiencing spiritual abuse, it is crucial to seek professional help. Look for a licensed clinician, such as a marriage and family therapist, psychologist, or social worker, who is not necessarily part of your denomination or religious group.

Group therapy, such as a group specializing in codependent relationships, can also be very powerful. By hearing stories of others living in fear and controlling relationships, you can find your voice and the power to take back your life and make your own decisions.