You’ve heard the word thrown around—“narcissist.” Maybe it was a heated accusation during an argument or a bitter label your ex used to explain the unraveling of your marriage. Now, you’re left wondering: Is this really me? The question stings, and the answer feels heavier than you expected. But here you are, ready to confront the possibility and, more importantly, figure out what comes next.

Understanding the Problem

Being labeled a narcissist comes with an external cost. Friends, family, and even colleagues may begin to question your motives or mistrust your actions. In a divorce, this label can become a weapon, painting you as manipulative or self-serving in legal proceedings. This creates a steep uphill battle to salvage your relationships and your reputation.

For those going through divorce, the realization that you may exhibit narcissistic traits can trigger a deep internal struggle. Divorce already shakes your sense of self, and now you’re grappling with the idea that your behavior might have contributed to the breakdown. Guilt, confusion, and fear of being “irredeemable” create a storm of emotions that’s hard to navigate alone. The label “narcissist” often lacks nuance. It’s unfair to boil down your entire personality to one term. You’re more than a checklist of traits, and the lack of understanding around this issue often leads to oversimplified and unjust conclusions.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a better way forward.

5 Steps to Take If You’ve Been Labeled a Narcissist

I’m Steven Unruh, a divorce mediator with over 30 years of experience helping individuals navigate one of life’s most challenging transitions. My goal is to help you find clarity and create a path to healing, no matter where you’re starting from. Divorce mediation offers a constructive way to address the complexities of your situation—without judgment and with solutions that benefit everyone involved.

1. Acknowledge Without Defining Yourself

Recognizing narcissistic tendencies doesn’t mean you are doomed to a lifetime of toxic behavior. Traits like self-focus or competitiveness can have positive applications when channeled correctly. Start by identifying the behaviors that have negatively impacted your relationships, but don’t let those traits define you entirely.

2. Seek Professional Insight

Consulting with a therapist or counselor experienced in personality traits can provide clarity and actionable advice. Understanding the “why” behind your behavior is crucial for growth. A professional can help you recognize patterns and teach you how to approach relationships with greater empathy.

3. Rebuild Communication Skills

Poor communication often exacerbates conflicts during and after divorce. Learning to listen actively and express yourself without manipulation can repair strained relationships. In divorce mediation, we focus on fostering open dialogue to ensure everyone’s voice is heard.

4. Focus on Co-Parenting Strategies

If you have children, your role as a parent takes precedence. Demonstrating respect and cooperation with your ex can create a healthier environment for your kids. Mediation can help you establish a co-parenting plan that prioritizes your children’s well-being.

5. Embrace Mediation Over Litigation

Unlike court battles that pit you and your ex against each other, mediation focuses on finding mutually beneficial solutions. It’s a space where you can address misunderstandings and work collaboratively to resolve disputes. This approach not only saves time and money but also reduces emotional strain.

Take the First Step Today

You might think, “Mediation won’t work for me” or “I’m too far gone to change.” But mediation isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. It’s a judgment-free zone designed to help you move forward. And while change is never easy, it’s always possible with the right support and mindset.

Acknowledging your challenges is the first step toward overcoming them. By choosing divorce mediation, you’re not just addressing past mistakes—you’re taking control of your future. Imagine leaving the pain and conflict behind and building a life defined by healthier relationships and greater self-awareness.

Contact me, Steven Unruh, to schedule your consultation today. Let’s work together to create a new chapter, one built on understanding, growth, and hope for what’s ahead.