Am I a Bad Person for Wanting a Divorce?

You wake up in the middle of the night—again—wondering if you’re the villain in your own story. You’ve tried to make it work. You’ve gone to counseling, stayed silent when it would’ve been easier to scream, and convinced yourself that things might get better. But deep down, a quiet thought won’t go away: I think I want a divorce.

Then comes the wave of guilt: What if I’m just selfish? What will people think? What about the kids?

If you’re asking, “Am I a bad person for wanting a divorce?”—you’re not alone. But that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It means you’re human. And it means you’re hurting.

The Weight You’re Carrying

Many people going through a divorce struggle not just with logistics or legalities, but with the moral weight of it. Let’s break that down:

Maybe the arguing never stops—or maybe the silence has become unbearable. You live like roommates, not partners. Trust is broken. The emotional connection is gone. You’ve tried everything you can think of, but nothing is changing. And now you’re exhausted.

What makes it even harder is the guilt that won’t let go. You feel like you’re breaking a promise, failing your children, or giving up on something you swore you’d protect.

And then there’s the deeper voice—the one shaped by culture, religion, or family—that says, Good people don’t leave. Society often treats divorce as a moral failure. That belief can leave you stuck in pain, convinced that staying miserable is somehow the “right” thing to do.

But here’s the truth: staying in a broken relationship isn’t noble if it’s destroying your peace—or your children’s. Sometimes the bravest, most responsible choice is walking away.
And it doesn’t have to end in bitterness. There is a better way forward.

A New Way Forward: Divorce with Dignity

Hi, I’m Steven Unruh, a divorce mediator with over 30 years of experience helping people navigate divorce in a way that is respectful, private, and centered on healing.

I’ve sat with hundreds of couples who’ve asked the same question you’re asking now. You’re not a bad person. You’re a person in pain—one who needs a safe place to sort through it all.

Mediation offers that safe place.

Instead of heading to court where lawyers escalate conflict, mediation empowers you to create fair solutions together—even if you’re not getting along.

Here are a few ways to move forward with clarity and compassion.

1. Be Honest With Yourself

It’s easy to minimize your pain or convince yourself things aren’t “that bad.” But deep down, you already know the truth. If your relationship has been hurting you more than helping you for a long time, that matters. You don’t need anyone’s permission to admit when something isn’t working. Being honest with yourself is the first step toward healing.

2. Let Go of the Guilt

Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re making the wrong decision—it just means you care. You care about your family, your commitments, and doing the right thing. But guilt shouldn’t be the reason you stay in a situation that’s hurting you. You can love your family and still choose a healthier future for everyone involved.

3. Focus on What’s Best for Your Kids

If you’re a parent, your children’s well-being is probably your biggest concern. You might worry that divorce will hurt them—but staying in a tense, unhappy environment can be just as harmful. Kids benefit from seeing their parents model self-respect, clear communication, and emotional stability. You can protect them by handling this process with intention and care.

4. Redefine Strength

Strength isn’t about how much pain you can endure. It’s about recognizing when something is broken and being willing to do the hard thing to make it better. Walking away from a relationship that’s no longer healthy isn’t weak—it’s a sign of clarity and courage. You don’t have to keep holding it all together alone.

5. Know That You’re Not Alone

It might feel like no one understands what you’re going through—but you are not the only one. Many people have stood exactly where you’re standing now, wondering what comes next. And many of them have found peace on the other side. There is support available, and you don’t have to carry this by yourself.

But What If I Still Feel Guilty?

That’s okay. Guilt is a natural emotion. It means you care. But guilt shouldn’t control your future.

Here’s the truth:

• Wanting a divorce doesn’t erase all the good that once existed.

• Choosing to end a marriage can be an act of love—for yourself, and even for your spouse.

• Mediation helps you find closure without chaos.

Let go of the idea that doing what’s best makes you a bad person.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re done questioning your character and ready to start rebuilding your life, I’m here to help. I’ve walked this road with hundreds of individuals—people just like you—who thought divorce had to be ugly.

It doesn’t.

Through divorce mediation, you can:

• Avoid the courtroom

• Protect your children

• Save time and money

• Make decisions peacefully

• Walk away with dignity

You don’t have to do this alone.

Schedule a free consultation today and let’s talk about how mediation can give you the clarity, structure, and support you need.

Your next chapter doesn’t have to be filled with regret. It can be full of relief, healing, and hope.