Every Christmas morning, eight-year-old Lucy would rush to the tree, eagerly tearing open gifts while her parents sipped coffee and laughed in the background. This year, though, Christmas looks different. With a recent divorce, Lucy’s parents are navigating separate holidays for the first time. Lucy wonders why she can’t be with both parents at once. Her parents, overwhelmed by logistics and emotions, feel the strain. If this scenario feels all too familiar, you’re not alone.

Divorce complicates the holiday season, turning what should be a magical time into a potential battleground of competing schedules, heightened emotions, and divided traditions. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

The Problem: The Holiday Tug-of-War

Co-parenting during Christmas often feels like a juggling act with no easy answers. Who gets Christmas Eve? Who gets Christmas morning? How do you fit in extended family traditions? Add your kids’ hopes and expectations, and it can feel impossible to make everyone happy.

For divorced parents, the holidays often come with a heavy emotional toll. You might wrestle with feelings of failure, loneliness, or guilt, wondering if you’re letting your kids down or missing out on precious moments. These emotions can cast a shadow over what should be a time of celebration and connection.

At its heart, this struggle feels deeply unfair. Children shouldn’t have to navigate the complexities of adult decisions during the holidays. They deserve a season filled with joy, not one weighed down by tension and logistical challenges.

With the right approach, co-parenting during the holidays can be smoother and more harmonious, allowing everyone to focus on what truly matters—the happiness of your children.

5 Ways to Better Co-Parent During the Holidays

I’m Steven Unruh, a divorce mediator with over 30 years of experience helping families navigate the complexities of co-parenting. I understand how difficult this time of year can be, and I’m here to help. By focusing on collaboration and prioritizing your children’s well-being, you can create a holiday season that works for everyone. Here are five tips to help you co-parent effectively during Christmas:

1. Create a Clear, Shared Holiday Schedule

The holidays are already hectic, but when you’re co-parenting, a well-thought-out schedule can make all the difference. Start by sitting down with your co-parent well in advance to plan out how the holidays will be divided. Open communication is key here—discuss what feels fair and balanced for both of you. For some families, this means alternating Christmas Day each year, while others prefer splitting the day into morning and evening celebrations.

Using a shared calendar can be incredibly helpful in keeping everyone on the same page and avoiding misunderstandings. Tools like Google Calendar or co-parenting apps can streamline the process and reduce the chances of miscommunication. If your children are older, involve them in the conversation. Giving them a voice in the planning helps them feel valued and respected, and it can also ease some of the tension around scheduling.

When everyone is clear on the plan, surprises and last-minute conflicts are minimized. A thoughtful, organized approach ensures that the focus stays on enjoying the holidays, rather than navigating unnecessary stress.

2. Focus on the Kids’ Happiness

The heart of any holiday should be your children’s joy and well-being. When making decisions about schedules, traditions, or activities, ask yourself, What will make this Christmas special for them? Keeping their experience front and center can guide you to choices that truly matter.

One of the simplest yet most meaningful things you can do is reassure your kids that they’ll get to spend quality time with both parents. This affirmation goes a long way in helping them feel loved and secure. Just as important is maintaining a positive attitude about your co-parent, even if it’s challenging. Negative comments or tension, especially during holiday events, can rob kids of the joy they deserve during this time of year.

Children feel most at ease when they see their parents working together and respecting each other, even after a divorce. Cooperation and mutual respect create a safe, happy environment where your kids can focus on the magic of the season.

3. Start New Traditions

Divorce can change the way holidays look and feel, but it also creates an opportunity to forge new memories. While it’s natural to miss old traditions, starting fresh ones can help your family embrace this new chapter.

Consider creating a Christmas Eve movie marathon, complete with cozy blankets and popcorn, or designate a special baking day where you and your kids make their favorite holiday treats. Get creative and invite your children to come up with their own ideas for new traditions. They might surprise you with fun, heartfelt suggestions that become cherished family customs.

These new rituals can ease the sadness of letting go of past traditions while giving your kids something to look forward to each year. Over time, these moments will become part of the fabric of your family’s holiday joy.

4. Communicate with Extended Family

Extended family members, like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, often struggle to adjust to the changes that come with divorce. They may have their own hopes and expectations for holiday gatherings, which can sometimes add to the stress. To avoid misunderstandings or hurt feelings, set clear boundaries and communicate the holiday schedule with them early.

Gently remind extended family to keep their focus on the kids and their happiness. Encourage flexibility and understanding, especially during this transition. It’s important to help them see that the ultimate goal is to create a positive experience for the children, even if the logistics are different than before.

By managing extended family expectations, you can reduce tension and create a more peaceful atmosphere for everyone involved. Open communication helps everyone adjust to the new normal with grace and kindness.

5. Use Mediation to Resolve Disputes

If holiday planning feels like a battleground, mediation can be a game-changer. Co-parenting during the holidays doesn’t have to be a source of endless conflict. Mediation offers a practical, cost-effective way to work through disagreements and create a plan that works for everyone.

As a divorce mediator with over 30 years of experience, I’ve helped countless families navigate these challenges. Mediation prioritizes the needs of your children while respecting the roles of both parents. It’s a collaborative process that can help you move past gridlock and toward solutions that benefit the entire family.

Instead of letting holiday disputes escalate, consider mediation as a way to build a cooperative co-parenting relationship. With the right support, you can create a holiday season that your kids will remember for all the right reasons.

A Brighter Holiday Season Awaits

You might be thinking:

“My ex won’t cooperate.”
Even in high-conflict situations, mediation can help you find common ground.

“It’s too late to make a plan.”
It’s never too late to start working toward a smoother holiday season. Begin small, and build from there.

“I don’t want to give up traditions.”
While change is hard, new traditions can be just as meaningful—and often even more special.

Imagine a Christmas where your kids feel joyful and secure, knowing their parents are working together for their happiness. Imagine a season where you feel less stressed, more present, and confident in the plan you’ve created.

This holiday season, let’s make that vision a reality. If you’re ready to build a peaceful co-parenting plan, contact me, Steven Unruh, for a free consultation. With over three decades of experience, I’m here to help you create solutions that work for your family.

Let’s work together to make this Christmas a time of connection and joy—for your kids and for you.

---

Click here to schedule a free consultation today. Your kids deserve the best this holiday season, and so do you.