5 Ways to Build Your Teenager’s Self-Esteem

As a parent of three young adults, I cherished the years when my kids were teenagers. One memorable year, they were all teens: 13, 17, and 19. Our home was often filled with their friends, from the swim team or football team, who would crash in the living room for the night. This gave me the chance to be a role model to many of these kids, some of whom were missing a parent or had very little contact with one. Hearing their stories was often heart-wrenching, and it underscored the importance of being a supportive and present parent.

When you see the struggles and pain in these young lives, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless. Many parents face similar challenges, feeling unsure of how to support their children effectively and build their self-esteem. It doesn’t have to be this way. There is a different way to approach these issues and foster a nurturing, affirming environment for your teenagers.

5 Ways to Build Your Teenager’s Self-Esteem

As an experienced divorce mediator with over 30 years of experience, I care deeply about helping families navigate these challenging times. I’m here to provide some advice on building your teenager’s self-esteem and creating a positive, supportive home environment.

Here are five essential ways to build your teenager’s self-esteem.

1. Apologize

If we aim to be role models for our children, we must learn to apologize sincerely. Apologies should not come with excuses or explanations but should be real and heartfelt. This shows our kids that making mistakes is not devastating and admitting them is not humiliating. Apologizing to our kids builds their self-esteem by validating their feelings and perspectives.

When we constantly correct our children and act as if we are always right, they learn to distrust their own judgment. This can lead to them being bullied or victimized, as they won’t trust their intuition. Later in life, they may second-guess themselves, making unhealthy decisions and ending up in relationships where they are taken advantage of. By modeling humility and sincerity, we empower our children to trust themselves and build confidence.

2. Don’t Yell

It might seem like a joke, but yelling is incredibly harmful to a child’s self-esteem. As parents, we are responsible for regulating our emotions. Younger children are traumatized and scared when we yell, and as they become teenagers, it only makes them feel demeaned and angry towards us.

Frequent yelling also makes us appear hypocritical. We set rules and expect our kids to follow them, but our inability to control our emotions shows that we are not adhering to the same standards. This inconsistency undermines our authority and damages our children’s respect for us. Instead of yelling, we should strive to communicate calmly and effectively, showing our teenagers that they deserve to be spoken to with respect.

3. Be Honest

Honesty is crucial for building our children’s self-esteem. When our kids catch us in a lie, whether we are lying to them or someone else, they lose respect for us. This dishonesty creates a sense of shame and embarrassment in them, causing them to withdraw and feel that they are lacking something essential.

Our lies are often more apparent to our children than we realize, and it only teaches them to be dishonest with us. By being honest, even when it’s difficult, we model integrity and show our kids that they can trust us. This trust fosters a strong, healthy relationship and boosts their self-esteem, knowing that they are valued and respected.

4. Implement Consequences

Having consequences for behavior is vital for a child’s self-worth. Consequences teach our children that their actions impact others, fostering empathy. Without consequences, children may develop a false sense of arrogance, believing that rules don’t apply to them and that they can do whatever they want.

This false sense of power creates a fragile self-esteem that can easily crumble. Consequences help teenagers understand that they must take responsibility for their actions, which in turn builds their self-esteem. They learn that they have control over their choices and the outcomes, making them more self-assured and responsible individuals.

5. Avoid Criticism

Consequences, yelling, and criticism often go hand in hand. While it’s natural for children to make mistakes, how we respond to these mistakes matters greatly. Instead of yelling or criticizing them, we should use consequences and encourage them to do better. Affirmation builds up; criticism tears down.

For example, instead of calling a teenager lazy for not doing their homework, we can acknowledge the lie and emphasize their intelligence and capability. “You told me you did your homework, but I don’t think that’s true. You need to finish your homework and admit that you lied. Because you didn’t finish it, I will be keeping your phone for the rest of the evening and all day tomorrow. You will get it back once your homework is done.”

This approach confronts the behavior while also encouraging the teenager and affirming their abilities. Our words have the power to build up or destroy. By choosing to affirm and encourage, we can significantly boost our children’s self-esteem.

Be a Role Model

Being the kind of parent your kids are proud of means being kind, thoughtful, and consistent. When your children bring friends over, they should know that you will treat everyone with respect and kindness. This not only builds their self-esteem but also sets a positive example for their friends. By embodying these principles, we can help our teenagers grow into confident, self-assured adults.

Imagine a future where your teenager feels valued, confident, and capable. By implementing these strategies, you can create a nurturing environment that fosters self-esteem and emotional resilience. Start today by making small changes in how you communicate and interact with your children. Your efforts will pay off, leading to stronger relationships and a brighter future for your family. Remember, you have the power to shape your children’s self-worth and guide them towards a path of confidence and success. Let’s embark on this journey together, and watch our teenagers flourish.