You’re Not Crazy—But You Are Stuck

You told your friends it was time. You signed the paperwork. You even celebrated your first night alone with a glass of wine and a Netflix queue. But then—out of nowhere—it hits you like a wave. You miss them. Deeply. And you can’t explain why.

Maybe it happens when your child says something in your ex’s voice. Maybe it’s when you’re walking through the grocery store and instinctively reach for their favorite snack. Or maybe it’s every single morning.

And now you’re stuck in a confusing place: the marriage is over, but your heart hasn’t gotten the memo.

The Real Problem: It’s More Than Just Missing Them

If you’re feeling this way after divorce, you’re not alone.

You built a life together—routines, holidays, inside jokes, and hard days. Your ex was woven into the fabric of your daily world, and while divorce may separate your legal lives, it doesn’t untangle the emotional history overnight. Now, you find yourself doubting not only the decision but your own worth. Thoughts like “Was it the right choice?” or “Why can’t I move on like other people?” loop in your mind, creating waves of shame, grief, and confusion. And on top of it all, it feels unfair that you can’t just be done with it. You were told divorce would bring closure, but instead of peace, you’re left carrying invisible baggage. It feels unjust—like healing should have come with the final signature.

But it doesn’t have to stay this way.

There’s a Better Way Forward

I’m Steven Unruh, a divorce mediator with more than 30 years of experience helping couples navigate separation with clarity, care, and dignity. I’ve walked with hundreds of people through the confusion, pain, and complexity of divorce. And I’m here to tell you: missing your ex is normal, but it doesn’t have to control your life.

Here are some ways you can begin to release what’s behind you and walk toward a better future—without denying the real feelings you’re facing right now.

1. Understand That Missing Someone Isn’t the Same as Wanting Them Back

Missing your ex doesn’t mean you made a mistake. It means you’re human. Just like grieving someone who passed away, you’re grieving the person you used to know, not the person they may have become. This distinction matters.

Try this: When the feeling arises, pause and ask: Am I missing them—or the feeling of being loved? That small shift gives you clarity.

2. Give Your Brain Time to Rewire

Your attachment to your ex was neurological, not just emotional. Research from Rutgers University found that romantic love activates the same brain systems as addiction. You’re essentially detoxing from your ex.

It takes time—on average, 18 months to 2 years—to fully process and heal from divorce. There’s no shame in that.

Try this: Build new routines that trigger fresh emotional patterns. Even changing your morning walk route can help rewire your brain.

3. Talk It Out with Someone Who Gets It

Processing your divorce alone can create mental echo chambers. Talking to a neutral third party, like a therapist or divorce mediator, helps you sort out why you’re stuck—and how to move forward.

Try this: Write down one thing you wish you could say to your ex. Then read it out loud to someone safe (or just to yourself). Releasing those thoughts is the first step to letting go.

4. Consider Divorce Mediation—Even After the Divorce

You might think mediation is only for negotiating custody or property. But it can also be a powerful tool for resolving emotional residue—especially when ongoing communication is required (like co-parenting).

As a divorce mediator, I’ve seen countless couples find emotional closure through post-divorce sessions. Mediation allows you to express unresolved feelings, set new boundaries, and establish healthier communication going forward.

Try this: If you’re still interacting with your ex and it’s emotionally charged, mediation might be the bridge to peace you’re craving.

5. Redefine Closure

Closure doesn’t come from a perfect conversation or dramatic realization. It comes from you deciding to stop searching for new answers to old questions.

You don’t have to erase your past to build your future. You just have to stop letting it direct your steps.

Try this: Each time you think “I miss them,” try finishing the sentence with, “…but I’m still moving forward.”

But What If I’m Just Not Ready?

That’s okay. Many people feel like they “should” be over it by now—and that only makes it worse. Healing doesn’t follow a straight line or a deadline. Give yourself permission to grieve what was without shaming yourself for what you feel.

Mediation, therapy, prayer, journaling—none of these tools are instant solutions. But they are paths that help you release the emotional knots you’re carrying, one at a time.

You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck

You don’t have to miss your ex forever. And you don’t have to do this alone.

As someone who has helped hundreds of people find emotional freedom after divorce, I want you to know: you are not broken. You’re becoming whole in a new way.

Let’s take the next step together. If you’re ready for peace—not just legal finality—schedule a consultation with me today. I’d be honored to help you navigate this transition with strength, clarity, and compassion.

You made it through the divorce. Now it’s time to make it through the after.