In today’s fast-paced world, where societal norms and expectations are continually shifting, the role of a dad can be particularly daunting. Balancing the demands of work, relationships, and personal goals with the vital responsibility of raising a child is often a challenging feat. The sense of inadequacy can, at times, be overwhelming. The fear of not providing enough, not teaching enough, not being present enough can cast long shadows over our parenting victories. As we navigate this complex terrain, each step we take is often fraught with second-guessing and deep introspection about our whether we’re good dads.
As a father of three adult men, I have journeyed through the delightful and complex realities of parenthood. My experiences stretch back to my time in Oakland, California, where I worked with a nonprofit focusing on teens and families. Over 25 years of raising boys have honed my insights about what it takes to be a good dad, especially in our rapidly evolving, technology-driven society still grappling with the emotional and financial impacts of the Covid-19 pandemic.
What is a good dad? While the following is not an exhaustive list, these are things I remind myself and others so that I can keep focused on the priorities that matter most.
Emotional Maturity is Crucial
The first key characteristic that defines a good dad is the ability to apologize. Emotional maturity, which enables us to empathize with our children’s feelings and experiences, is fundamental to this. Parents who are always right display signs of emotional immaturity and insecurity, reflecting an unhealthy need for control.
An emotionally mature father does not need to be in control all the time. The capacity to apologize when we make mistakes, like speaking harshly or hurting feelings, is critical. A controlling father, by always insisting on being right, could inadvertently raise a child to become a victim, teaching them to distrust their own intellect and intuition. This could lead to future vulnerabilities, including exploitation and self-doubt.
Hard Work and Responsibility
A good dad also embodies hard work. Despite the turbulent economic times, a responsible father exhausts all resources to contribute to his family’s financial well-being.
Importantly, a good father also teaches his children about responsibility from an early age. My two-year-old grandson, for example, has the simple task of feeding the family dog. This assignment, albeit minor, teaches him the essence of contributing to the family’s welfare.
I remember my own upbringing in Minnesota where, from ages 13 to 18, I was responsible for the external upkeep of our house. This instilled in me a strong sense of duty and responsibility.
Guiding Children Towards Success
Success, as a good dad understands, is not simply about monetary achievement. It’s about helping children realize their importance, find their talents, and believe in their ability to impact the world.
Every child is unique. As parents, we must encourage them to discover talents that they can excel in, providing them with opportunities to build their self-esteem. Activities such as music and sports can be excellent for this purpose.
Compassion and Emotional Understanding
Finally, a good dad is compassionate. This involves learning to control our own anger and regulating our responses so we don’t lash out at our children. It’s about understanding their emotional experiences and providing the emotional guidance they need.
Children lack the adult tools for understanding and managing emotions. Hence, they need our compassion, understanding, and gentleness to learn emotional regulation. Compassion as a father is a crucial component that helps build their confidence and self-esteem.
In the end, being a good father isn’t about perfection; it’s about emotional maturity, responsibility, guidance, and compassion. As we continue navigating parenthood in this complex world, let’s strive to embody these traits for the well-being and future of our children.
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