My Mother was Not Perfect.

Growing up, I always pondered what it meant to be a good parent. My reflections often circle back to my own childhood—shaped under the gentle hands of my mother, whose imperfections mingled seamlessly with her strengths to paint a portrait of maternal warmth that I still hold dear. As I tread the path of parenthood myself, these memories serve as both a guide and a gentle reminder of the complexities wrapped in the role of a mother.

No mother or father is flawless, and my mother was no exception. Yet, amidst life’s chaos, she stood as a beacon of resilience and love, her actions echoing through the corridors of my upbringing and profoundly shaping the way I raised my own children. With Mother’s Day just around the corner, it feels better a time than any to discuss the question of what does it truly mean to be a good mother? It’s a question that finds its answers not just in the overt acts of caregiving but in the subtle interstices of everyday life where patience, understanding, and sacrifice quietly unfold.

Being a Good Mother

In this exploration of maternal influence, I aim to unravel the nuanced threads that define a good mother, drawing upon the vivid tapestry of my own experiences—a journey marked by her comforting presence, the silent strength she embodied, and the unconditional support that nurtured my growth.

Emotional Availability

A good mother prioritizes being emotionally available for her children. This means setting aside her own needs at times to fully engage with and understand her children’s feelings and experiences. This kind of presence fosters a secure environment, where children feel valued and understood. My mother exemplified this through her attentive listening and empathetic engagement, creating a safe space where I felt my emotions were acknowledged and respected.

Consistency and Discipline

Discipline is a cornerstone of effective parenting, but it doesn’t necessitate harshness. My mother rarely raised her voice, teaching me the value of maintaining calm and composure. I adopted this approach with my own children, setting clear boundaries and consequences—like revoking car privileges when necessary—without resorting to yelling. This method teaches respect and accountability in a nurturing manner.

Encouragement and Support

Despite her personal struggles, including a tumultuous marriage and bouts of depression, my mother was a relentless encourager. Her belief in us was unwavering. She bonded with us not just as a caregiver but as a champion of our future. This encouragement bolstered my self-esteem and ambition, qualities I cherished and sought to pass on to my own children.

Acknowledging and Addressing Personal Challenges

Recognizing and dealing with personal issues is crucial for a parent. My mother’s life was not devoid of pain or difficulty; her depression and the impacts of an unfulfilling marriage are testament to her struggles. Yet, her ability to maintain her role as a mother despite these challenges was commendable. A good mother seeks help when needed, ensuring that her personal battles do not overshadow her parenting.